This is a post about loneliness and how it can cause depression.

austen

When I was a teenager, I wanted to fit in.

But I was never asked to any of the parties.

At lunch time, the other girls would play games based on the television shows of the time, but I was not asked to join.

At swimming, the other girls would disappear into giggling groups, and I would swim up and down with no-one speaking to me.

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Sound seemed to change at these times.

The sound of the water in my ears seemed so loud.

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I wanted to fit in so badly, and my heart would sink when I saw that I sat alone in the new classroom.

Everyone had moved the desks so that they could form small islands.

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I do feel that this led to my first experience of depression.

I could not manage the isolation.

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Over the years I have learned to deal with isolation.

As I manage isolation, I am less likely to become depressed.

Not everyone receives invitations, and some young people spend a lot of time alone,and that is OK.  Not everyone can be popular.

When I got older, I realised that being alone is not frightening any more.

That I quite enjoy my alone times.

If I had not had these experiences, I would never have learned photography.

Sometimes, being alone is an opportunity to learn new things.

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Anyway, I have a fantastic friend who is perfect in every way.

(My cat made me write that).

 

 

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2 thoughts on “

  1. Oh, girl. I feel ridiculous repeating myself and wander if I am freaking you out with reading all your posts and commenting too … I am just genuinely SO moved by your blog, by your words and thought processes via which you try to navigate through the complexities of life and your own uniqueness. I feel you and believe me it’s so difficult to do that, in words, to a reader. That’s a real talent you have!
    I hope you don’t mind me asking but have you also been diagnosed with high functioning autism? You often mention sensory overload – being overwhelmed with too much sound, light, crowds, even emotions … and you speak about being considered eccentric, different, kind of disregarded by others because of your uniqueness. All these things make me think of autism ..
    Anyway, I don’t care for diagnoses, but please know that your way of writing is special. Your special gift. I keep repeating myself, I know, but if this blog is your way of learning to be yourself, to accept yourself and to live the best way you can – being you – , then I think my compliments have a place here. I’ve never met a person like you. I am an extrovert, I’ve always tons of friends, never had any problem with communication and sharing my thoughts and emotions. I’ve never been let down or looked down by others – at least, i never noticed that. Out there, I don’t have a problem – my problems are of a different nature, mostly physical illness and the suffering that accompanies it – but your posts evoke tender feelings in me, they make me want to reach out to you and hug you :). It’s almost as if you were the key to the world of people we don’t understand … your writing being the bridge between people like you and people like me. Anything that facilitates communication and understanding between people of different ways of seeing the world is EXTREMELY POWERFUL, it’s an ART, and so so useful, needed really. It breaks barrier, nurtures empathy and compassion .. PLEASE KEEP AT IT, AND PLEASE READ MY COMMENTS CAREFULLY. KEEP ON WRITING, KEEP ON TAKING PHOTOGRAPHS, KEEP ON DESCRIBING YOUR WORLD, you do it beautiful in a way that might help not just you, but others too.

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  2. Thank you for your comment. I am not autistic, but I do relate to that condition. I read about Autism when I get the chance. It helps me a lot as I can relate to so many aspects of that condition. Also, autistic people who write explain their world in a clear way which helps me.

    I like to read, and I enjoy writing. I am grateful that you enjoy my posts. I hope to share more of my thoughts and my photographs in this space.

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