My family are good actors.
They can mimic anyone, do any accent.
They love to copy, emulate.
They have had crushes on people, and copied everything about them.
The only people we do not know how to be are ourselves.
We do not want to be ourselves. We want to fit in.
So we hurl ourselves time and again at the brick wall that is a society that does not want us.
If they do not want us, then we will change.
So we disguise ourselves.
We create smoke.
You will never see past this, you will not see us.
Thick smoke, think London smog, think fog so deep you cannot see your hand in front of your face.
If you met one of my family, you would see a good-looking person, (my family are good-looking. I am not, but those are the genes).
They would be dressed to the nines, charming, a wonderful personality.
You would think: ‘What a clever, talented person!’
You would not see the true person.
They are the life and soul of the party.
We got lost, wore so many masks.
My wake-up call was depression, being in a hospital.
I needed answers.
Now I realise what we have done.
I also know that you need to be yourself.
In the end, authenticity is the road to health.
Underneath, we are shy, awkward. Underneath we are not very strong.
Underneath, those who drank needed the drink as a prop.
Here, today, I have to realise society does not find me attractive, and that is Ok.
We all find enough people to love us.
We all get by.
We don’t need to be popular.
And I have to find a way to be true, to myself.