Once I went to the Doctor. He told me that I had a ‘serious condition’. It would require months of treatment.
He would begin with Penicillin.
So I went to the Chemist with the prescription.
Two days later, I was fine.
That is the thing,..I respond to medical treatment quickly.
It is not like that for my mental health.
I have tried so many things, and I never seem to feel any better.
I bought books.
They had testimonies on the back:
‘I was depressed for years, then I read this book! This book is the answer!’
So I bought the book.
I tried Bach remedies, meditation, and even Psychiatry.
I no longer receive help from the Services because they realised that I do not respond.
I know people who have had terrible life experiences, and they are fine. They made a full recovery.
They experienced terrible things, far worse than myself, and I struggle every day.
I look at them, and I wonder how they did it.
People say: ‘Have you tried..?’
And I am tempted to say “Yes!” before they finish the sentence, because I have probably already tried it.
I am starting to realise that I will deal with these issues for all of my life, when I really want a cure.
I am trying to find the courage to deal with a condition which may be with me until I am an old lady, that I may feel this way every day.
I wanted a cure so badly, the wizard’s wand, the magic spell.