New friend

I am helping a stray cat.  She has been here for three weeks, and she will not go out.

She just stays inside.

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Even on  a good day, when the sun shines, she will not go out.

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‘She will not leave you.

She is afraid she will not get back in again.

She was a stray.

Think of all the times she must have tried to find a home.’

My family offer their thoughts.

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So I think,..

is that it?

She is struggling to trust me.

She is afraid I will change my mind, lose interest.

So she stays inside, and just gazes at me.

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reflection

She sits beside her bowl, and squeaks.

Slowly, we are building a language, a way to talk to one another.

I wake up during the night, and she is snuggled against my legs, probably for warmth.

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It is ironic, that I would teach an animal about trust.

That I would try to reassure, coax her to believe I am a friend.

I have not trusted anyone in a long time.

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I act the part, no sudden movements, never raise my voice.

All the things you need to do around a new animal.

Routine, do the same thing every day.

Cats love routine.

Only petting her when she allows me, never picking  her up without permission.

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She is only here for food, for warmth, to escape the  cold Spring.

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I am pulling from an empty well, but I do it anyway.

“You don’t need trust to live.”

Not my wisdom, something a counsellor said to me once.

And she was right.

I live my life, and I don’t need trust.

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