4 o’clock

Is regret part of Recovery?

I believe that it may be, though I can only speak from personal experience.

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Regret likes to attack me at 4 o’clock in the morning, or 6 am.

Or when I am washing the dishes.

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It sweeps my feet from under me, like a current at the turn of the tide.

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Why do I feel regret?

Well, for one thing I regret going into a Hospital

I do not regret asking for help, but I wish I had managed to stay at home, and get by on weekly appointments.

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I regret getting depressed in the first place, and causing my family to worry.

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I regret trusting the wrong people, thinking that a Doctor could help when really I was talking to the wrong person.

I regret telling my friends I had been in a Hospital.

They told everyone else.

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I regret thinking that if I fell in love, the romance would help me out of the darkness, the lack of self-worth. The truth is, no man ever cured a girl,..we have to do this for ourselves.

That was my first experience of girl power.

So now, we have made it to 6.30 am.

At this point, I make a cup of tea.

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Over the years, I have learned to distract myself, because regret can ruin a sunny day.

I have to move on.

I have to try for a future, and looking back is not going to  help.

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