The girl who..
I think that I know the person God wanted me to be.
I have glimpsed her.
This makes me sad, as I know I have fallen far from who He wanted me to be.
I did not want to be a background person.
I wanted to be popular, pretty. I wanted to live with greater rewards than this.
He wanted me to work in the background, scarcely noticed, even ignored.
He wanted me to help if needed, but to work without reward.
He led me down those paths. But I wanted to have friends, to be invited to parties.
If I helped someone, I craved their recognition, their thanks.
I know I had these dreams, desires.
He had to confront me, deny me those things.
He needed to place me in the best place, so that I could help people.
I can see all that now.
I regret being stubborn. I regret going down the wrong paths.
I regret wanting to be popular, to be recognised.
I understand that I can achieve a lot in the background, in the wings, without being seen or noticed.
I hope to get closer to the girl God wanted me to be.