Potential

I have spent many years trying to survive.  My life has really been about survival.

Mint & Gold 10

 

I also invested a lot of effort in trying to avoid things.

For example, I invested effort in trying to avoid a return to hospital.

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I call this ‘putting out fires’.  Trying to avoid conflict in a dysfunctional family.

Trying to avoid a row at Christmas.

This takes time, energy, sometimes every resource that I have.

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Developing any potential I might have was placed on the back burner.  I could not afford to think about talents I might have, and how I could develop those.

I had to focus on other things.

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However, sometimes I feel grief about those talents.  I wonder how it would feel to have the opportunity to develop myself as a person, to explore my potential.

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I grieve on some days, and there is a sense of loss.

I understand that I made a priority of survival.  I understand I had to invest in becoming practical, employable.  I understand how circumstances contributed to the place I am today.

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But sometimes I wish I had recovered sufficiently to have the time, space, and opportunity to develop myself.

My potential lies within me, untapped, and it feels like an untold story.

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pretty

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