Memories

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If I had a choice over Fame, Money and good memories, I would choose pleasant memories.

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PTSD means that I long for good memories.

This is what I think about all day.

I enter my past, and I think,..‘If I had done this, or avoided that, then I would have good memories.’

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Having bad memories can make me fear being alone, lying awake.

PTSD is with me every day.

It is different from Depression.  I remember Depression as lethargy, but PTSD makes me want to keep moving.

PTSD can make me restless.  If I keep moving, then I might out run the bad memories.

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PTSD is  allied to grief.  I experience both during each day.  They are related to one another.

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With grief I tend to mull over lost opportunities, and I will stay in the past.

Grief also motivates me to keep moving, to avoid rumination.

Both PTSD and grief can lead to distress.

I have cried a lot at certain times.

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This is different from Depression, because I remember an inability to connect with my emotions or cry.

I saw tears as a sign that I was getting better.

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PTSD can lead me to collecting stuff.   I use these things to distract myself.

This has lead to clutter.

I do not have much space left, but I need the books and DVDs to help me to distract my mind.

I learned to distract myself, as that is the best way to manage PTSD.

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Q.  Why do you have PTSD?

I have PTSD because I could not protect myself during the years that I was mentally ill, and this lead to traumatic things happening.

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