This post will discuss religion.
When Isaiah saw God, he said Yahweh was seated on a high throne, surrounded by Angels.
When I first read this, I was thirteen. The next words surprised me as I realised Isaiah was not glad or proud that God had chosen him. He was unhappy, and overwhelmed with a sense of his own sinfulness.
I could not understand, but I do now. To meet God is to meet perfection, to come face to face with it, and so face to face with my own imperfection.
Every time I am near to God, I can see all my flaws.
I can also see the plans of God, how He had wished for a perfect Universe, and had hoped that we, His children, would be perfect. But that has all been ruined by sin.
I understand that the Garden of Eden is a story, but it does help to explain how sin and temptation can ruin God’s plan.
Adam and Eve disobeyed God, and so broke away from Him for a time. When they returned, they knew they had rebelled and they hid from God.
I can see all the times I broke away from God, was led by pride and self-interest.
I can see how He needed me to do certain things, and how I did not listen, even when the answer was right in front of me.
I do not feel that this state of affairs will ever change.
God will always be my Father, and perfect.
I will always be me, struggling along, making mistakes, and feeling down in the dumps about being human.
This is the cost of following God. It can be painful to commit to Him, to leave our old life behind and follow Him.
Being a Christian is not comfortable or fun. It is painful as once we follow God we will see our true selves. There is no hiding place.
I catch glimpses of God’s plan. I can see it in the evening sky, in the clean water at the ocean, free from pollution. I can see it when people reach beyond themselves, and make a sacrifice for another person.
I can see it sometimes even in myself. But I can also see fragmentation, pollution, the litter on the streets.
I can feel the grief of God, his frustration, disappointment.
I can see how little I have to offer, but I have to try anyway.
I can see the journey ahead.