I come from a dysfunctional family.

I always had was the dream that I would get away, escape.




It is an unsettled way to live.  Also there is a lot of caring needed in a Dysfunctional family, and caring can be very demanding.

We have cared for Alcoholics, and relatives who had a breakdown.

There is a high level of dependency.




I am still learning to survive in a dysfunctional family.


I learn how to respond to those in need.

To be a strong person when needed, a shoulder to cry on, to listen.



The Burning Bush

This post will discuss the Bible, prayer and Religion.


Moses and the Burning Bush..

the question is why a ‘Burning Bush’?

The answer may be that God needed to get the attention of Moses.

It is difficult for God to get our attention.

We are not listening as much as we need to.


I feel guilty when I think of all the times I should have listened to God, and did not do so.

I know that I need to improve.

I need to spend more time alone, have a quiet moment,

tune into Nature, read the Bible, pray.

God can reach me then.

He cannot do so when I am talking to others,  watching television.

I need to clear the decks so that He can reach me.


Coffee and leaves

Today I had a lot to do.

I have been  so busy for the last two weeks.  We had work done to the house, and I feel that I have not stopped.

I walked to the shops today.

Along the path is a Cafe,  and I meant to pass it.

I did not feel tired or hungry, but as I neared the Cafe, I felt that God was asking me to stop.


I could hear Him tell me that I had been so busy, that I had not sat down.

He wanted me to go into the Cafe,  so I did.

I ordered a coffee.


I took it outside to the park, and I closed my eyes to the Sun.

The leaves lay all around,  and as I walked they crackled like crisps.



I am glad that I listened, that I stopped and had a rest.


In praise of Pink


As an adult, I avoided pink as I thought it was a colour for little girls.

I would wear neutral shades,  and I also liked lilac.

I thought that this was a sophisticated look, but pink was childish.


I was struggling with mental illness,  and eventually I gave in and surrendered to pink,..

the reason?  Comfort.

Watercolor floral seamless pattern 7

Pink is the colour of comfort.

Wrap yourself in a pink towel after a bath, a pink blanket at night when it is cold.



At first, I assumed everyone would laugh, and it was with trepidation that I ventured into the World clad in pink.


But the opposite happened.

People smiled at me.

Strangers approached and told me that they liked the colour.

Friends  would ask where I bought certain items.


If I produced a pink purse, or scarf, people would smile and say

I love your purse/ scarf.


Pink has helped me to manage Depression.

It helps me to keep the darkness at bay.


All day in my jeans

Over the last two weeks, we had work done to the house.

As there was a mess,  and we had to clear up lot, I wore jeans and boots every day.



I never  wear those clothes when I am at home.

I wear a long dress with a T-shirt,  and sandals.

I have a sore back.

Due to anxiety,  my muscles will knot and so I changed my wardrobe to include loose fitting clothes to give me some relief.


As soon as I get home, I put on a long dress.


I collected them in sales, and I have a set of T-shirts and cardigans to go with them.


When I wore the jeans and boots, it changed the way I walked and sat.

I could be heard on the wooden floors.

Usually my family never know where I am as my sandals make no noise.


Sometimes I forgot that I was wearing jeans and boots,

but generally the long dresses are more comfortable.



I follow Blogs and I like frontier-type blogs like the Pioneer Woman.

She wears jeans and boots, but I notice she wears loose fitting tops.


We all like to be comfortable.

My back has improved a lot with exercises, but I feel I will always look for loose clothing, as that is the best choice for me.




Are we having a Divorce?

This is  post which discusses my own thoughts only.
Sakura and moon
Blue sakura branches with moon in the night starry skies on background. Vintage illustration in asian style. Translation of the hieroglyph – moon light.

There seems to be an argument taking place in the NHS.

Every time I go to an appointment, the Doctor, Nurse start to complain.

They tell me there is no staff, they are short-staffed, they have no time, they had no break today.

They go on about the cuts, the Government.


Then the Patient gets cross and mentions how long it took to get this appointment.

They too are tired.

They had to beg for the day off at work.

They had to organise childcare.

They need to explain their symptoms,

and they have been told all appointments have been cut today to ten minutes.

How can they get another appointment?

Sakura and setting sun
Sakura branches in the evening time with setting sun on the purple sky. Vintage illustration in asian style


It ends up in a row over who has had the most problems that morning,

and they both had to pay to use the Car Park.


Part of this is a fantasy conversation, but basically I have had similar in the past ten years.

We just seem to arrange an appointment, argue with the Doctor or nurses,  and go home.




I did not have a successful experience with my life as a patient.

Sometimes I wonder why?

One problem I encountered was the ‘pet belief’.

This is  a belief that  Psychiatrist will have..

Shock Treatment works for everyone, 

is one example.


I have been in a position in which the Doctor bullied me into accepting his view of the World,  and my illness,  even though he was making a mistake.

They do not have real evidence to support their theories.

In Science no theory is allowed to stand without evidence and peer review.

But a Psychiatrist is allowed to develop theories which have little evidence to support them.